Shabby Miss Jenn

Sunday, March 6, 2011

To drive or not to drive....

I'm starting to question my abilities as a driver. I understand that at this point in my disease it's all give and take, it's taking xyz functions and eventually will give them back. Hopefully. If it's not a progressive form of Multiple Sclerosis. I'm having a very tough time cognitively, and my fatigue isn't letting up in the slightest. Because of that, I'm having a very hard time driving. Actually, I'd venture to say my driving ability is like that of a person functioning on about four alcoholic beverages. At best. Some days it's more like six.

I'm actually starting to shove my wallet aside and wonder if maybe for the time being I just don't drive after a certain point in the morning, because after about 11 am, it definitely is most noticeable. I almost called my husband from church this morning (all the way on the other side of town, a good 25 minute drive from home!) because I realized I had stopped taking notes about halfway through, something I'm quite religious about. (pun intended ;))

My symptoms just seem to be worsening, at least in the cognition/memory area of my brain. I hate stumbling around like a drunk, and slurring my speech. Funny story, I had to ask my mother in law, who is blinder than a bat, by the way, to read the back of a vitamin bottle for me, to make sure I wasn't buying the wrong thing at CVS. And I was too tired at Brookshire Brother's to take the milk I got back and get the right one, so I paid for it. (Why is it Hytop D is covered by WIC by Hytop 2% isn't the right one? I was so confused by the time I left!!!) I barely stumbled into my house and onto my couch. I'm shocked I threw the milk into the fridge before drooling into a semi-coma.

From the window, it's funny. From inside, it's not. From my husband's point of view, if I'd just stop looking crap up on the computer, I wouldn't be getting worse. Well thanks, I guess my foot wouldn't be asleep right now if it wasn't for me seeing how selenium affects people with multiple sclerosis, honey. I can't function. I can't clean, I can barely tuck my kids into bed. Actually, I can barely sit here AND breathe simultaneously.

And just to make that point, I recently had to make a drastic move. I attached a cord to the drain of my bathtub, to attach it to my toe. Why? Because I like to take baths, not showers. (Unless I'm particularly dirty.) And I've been so scarily exhausted, that I'm terrified I'm going to drown. So, with the last iota of brain matter I have left, I'm not going to drown. I'll at least wake up wet and cold. :) And with screaming, hungry, children, who probably have joined me...

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