Today I have wondered how my life will look in two years. Five years. Ten years. And I'm angry. I can't help but be anything but angry... the death of my desires and dreams is like the death of ME.
I"m so very angry and hateful it's unbeliveable. Yes, I understand a lifetime is short, but what a short life if I can't even live it to influence my own children? What a WASTE of a life! No energy at all, can't even spend the time to have a real influence on my kids and their personalities? I hate my body, I hate my mind, and some days I really resent the very Lord that made me this way. Like today. Because it really feels like He's left me drowning, I know He's there, out in the universe somewhere... but I feel so empty, angry, and hurt. Abandoned to this suffocating fate.
Aaaaahg! I HATE this!!!! There are not enough words to describe just how ANGRY I am at my situation. WHY!? Why the HELL this have to happen to me?! All my childhood I dreamed of being this amazing mother, teaching, loving, and IT WAS STOLEN from me!
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