Shabby Miss Jenn

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Argh! Someone SHUT UP the voices in my head!!!

It's been a week. (or a month, year, maybe 25 years, but who's counting???) I can't stop thinking. I cannot stop stressing, which is causing some wicked migraines, horribly blurry vision, and my hands feel like someone peeled the skin off of them... so what do I do? I take two excedrin pm. I think I might get tired enough to sleep well for the night. Do you think it worked????

I'll give you a minute.

Hint, I took them at 10. My posting time should read, what, 11:48?

The bad part?!?! I should have drank a glass of wine. NOW I can't have a glass of wine to relax, because I'll probably die. My luck.

Side note, I really need someone to fix my dishwasher. I can't wash dishes by hand and the glove thing isn't working like I thought it would. It's very depressing to walk into an otherwise clean kitchen and see a sink full of dishes... and not be able to do anything about it. Actually, it's worse than depressing-it's DEFEATING. Which causes me to become more stressed, depressed, and defeated... which forces me to reevaluate myself and hahaha-the cycle starts all over. Round and round we go, I WANT OFF OF this ride!!!! I hate fuse box shorts, and I hate that I'm progressing so rapidly and can't stop it.

I will have a garden in heaven. I will not have dirty dishes. And I will feel amazing, like I've actually slept... ahhh, but the best part? No more doubts. No more self-hatred. Just working, perfect hands, and a working, perfect mind that can do everything I've always wanted to do.

Hmmmm. Nothing hurts worse than the realization that you've set out to do so much in your life, but will never fully succeed, or amount to much of anything. Ouch.

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