Shabby Miss Jenn

Saturday, November 19, 2011

feel like giving up

So the story goes: I'm clinging to the remnants of me. The sheet of fabric is torn, ragged, and very worn. My fingernails are scratching, and pulling... tearing through the threadbare fabric, just to hold on-ever aware of the very empty nothingness beneathe my feet--when it happens. The fabric tears and I'm falling. Farther, and farther still; into a deep, black, vastness of space. Empty. I know I'm screaming, but there is no sound. I look into my hand and I see the shred of the garment that was me, and weep...


MS robs you of your dignity and strength. And then someone steps up to remind you that you aren't a real woman because you can't keep up.

So I keep on falling, and fading into the blackness. Succumb to the feeling of terror that is complete solitude. I have nothing left of me to hold on to; I just exist.

3 comments:

Sandy said...

Don't give up dear. I can imagine how difficult things must be for you. But you are still you - please have courage. Is there anything you can do that you have always enjoyed doing? I had to give up several things lately, but turned to a few other things I can still do. Take care. I am rooting for you.

Jessica said...

Sandy, I love to do a lot of things. I have started projects all over my house and left them until I felt able to finish them ;) Right now, my husband built me a box for gardening so I don't have to bend down or weed in the heat, and I'm loving that. Thank you for your positive attitude!! I need that reminder, haha!

Sandy said...

:-) I'm glad to read there are still things you can enjoy. I know what you mean about slow going. I had a wood chair out for 5 weeks sitting in the middle of the room because I was staining it white. Actually took me that long to do a little tiny bit at a time. The box garden sounds so nice! I found a little raised garden seat (looks like a giant shoebox on wheels with a soft seat on top). I can pull it around from place to place so I can sit down while I do some gardening. It's hollow inside so I can even put in a little trowel and garden gloves. Got it for $5! on clearance at the end of the garden season too. :-) I hope you can enjoy some gardening this season - just watch the heat!