Shabby Miss Jenn

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Hi, hello, where are my hands?

Did you know it was possible to induce a stupor relatively similar to THC without even ingesting anything other than O2? I didn't, either. Until last night! ENTER COMPLETE EXHAUSTION. I'm trying to pick up my house when suddenly in walks two bright yellow spots. And their friend, Mr. Red. Well, hi! Who are you, again? Thanking God my kids are already safely showered and tucked into their beds, (Hallelujah!) I realize the need to sit down.

Or is it stand up?

Or move around?

Or eat?!

Drink water?!!

Something in this cabinet has to take this edge off!!! *rifles through medicine cabinet*

I can feel my heart beat. No really, there it is. In my left ear. And the outer quadrant of my left thigh. Hehe. What a strange sensation... no wait, it's not my heart beat, it's ice! And it's moving down my leg? Ugh.

I find the Q-tips and begin the prodding of my ear, while somehow navigating myself around the house to ensure there really isn't some sort of noxious gas leak.

Nope, juuuuust me. Me and this damn disease.

Hmmmm. Cheyenne wakes up. And walks around the entire house before stopping in the living room with a very blank look in her eyes. "Cheyenne honey, what are you doing?" -me, "Going potty." -her; "NO NO NO NO go to YOUR bathroom, sit on a TOILET honey!" -me, "I am, mommy!" -her...

Somehow she wound up in the correct position on the correct porcelain throne to relieve herself before getting back in her bed, but this story made me laugh for far too long. But back to the events of last night:

I force feed myself lots of pretzels, which tasted far too salty. A chicken flat bread from Schwans. Far too bland. Chocolate chips. Why are they burning my throat?!!?!

I turn on some DVR episodes of Friends only to realize I really am not one of those people that finds this show funnier when out of her own mind, it's even more inane than Chandler's jokes. (haha.)

Try reading, nope-no concentration ability at. all. And those big spots don't help. Hands, wait a minute, I CAN'T FEEL MY HANDS! *enter panic*

I retrace my events as a hero enters to save the day *dadadaDA!* Woody laughs and says IMMEDIATELY "What did you take!? You look GONE!" Well, yes, I was, thank you very much, but all I had this entire evening was two excedrin and a coffee. Hours ago. I follow him around the house rattling off whatever has happened to me that evening, and tell him "I can't feel my hands", making us both giggle; before retiring to bed for humming myself to sleep.

My only explanation is that I must have been sleep walking somehow. Too much activity. I now have a spot on my thigh that feels like I froze an ice pack to it, a very sore back, and this evil need to cry but I refuse to let in. At least I have this entertaining story to share with my future self... or, sorry, past self; should we ever invent a time machine. My future self won't remember but should have the ability to locate this particular thread.

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