I hate this disease.

I'm wallowing in the muck and the mire that is MS today. My best friend, (Grandma!) is dying. I'm crying, and miserable that she will no longer be the first person I call. She knew everything before my mother. My pregnancies. My miscarriages. My idiot husband(s!). She prayed any time I screwed up, and her prayers were so strong and firm that I believed God was listening to her. My best friend will be leaving this planet to go on to another life, and I am feeling very alone.

Because I can't stop crying, my immune system is taking a huge whallop. To make matters worse, my (awesome, non-idiot) husband brought home a coffee for me from the gas station. (No, not Starbucks, but wow so sweet.) I drank it and got food poisoning. I've been so miserable sick. Fever, puking, shaking, very bad migraine with partial blindeness (woo-hoo!), and my left arm is losing the ability to function. As is the ring and pinky fingers on my right hand... ugh. And I STILL can't stop crying. Every time I think about how she will no longer be there when I call... :( I'd call and tell her that, but she's so gone.

My husband said: "I know you already know this. But you WILL get better. It just might be a while." Yes, I hope I will get over this fast. It will be a long time of mourning, and I probably will always weep when I think about what I've lost... but I had better not suffer through this exacerbation for very long. (That's right, threatening a non-existent enemy... that is my own body, hahaha. Maybe I've lost it, too. :P)